求改一下鄙人的英语作文,是要给英国外教看的,不想给中国人丢脸T T,如果加一些高级句子就更好了

求改一下鄙人的英语作文,是要给英国外教看的,不想给中国人丢脸T T,如果加一些高级句子就更好了
题目是说一下你认为中国目前较为严重的问题,并提出解决方法
我的拟题：中国高考问题严重,各方家长牺牲学生的自由时间去补课.
以下是鄙人的英语作文,请大胆修正!
In china,i think the most serious problem is educaton about the university entrance exam.
In 2012,there are 300 thousand students took part in the university exam.In spite of the rate of passing was 75%,there were still a mojarity of people wanting to go to the top school which called "211project" and "985 project",like The Ivy League University in America,represented the top level of the nation.
To achieve this goal,students in high school attend kinds of tutorials,learning marth,english,physics and so on.At the same time,parents are in favour of the activities that their children study in the weekend.For example,my aunt paid 100 yuan per hour of a class generously in order to improve her son's grade.At school,teachers treat stuents seriously at work too.Honestly,students have few free time to do any other things excep study in high school life.
We can't stop thinking about the reason why situation is going like this?Maybe the reason is Study is the only way to make you successful in chinese opinion,if you do not work hard,you will fall behind.
Finally,how the problem can be solved?In fact,many teenagers are sent to aboard to escape the chinese university entance exam in recent years.Also,government have put a new policy into practice called independent recruitment.Headmaster of the college will interview the student,if he or she behaves good enough,he or she can entance the university without exam.

很多问题.有拼写错误,语法错误,还有不符合英文习惯的句型.这些我都给你改了.另外你的文章本身也有问题,没有把你要说的意思讲清楚,如高考的坏处是什么.通篇看到的,是高考的好处.这个需要你自己改,不然就成了我给你代写了.另外你也没提出解决办法,而只是讲了别人如何绕开高考（明白这两者之间的区别么?）.
In china, I think the most serious problem is in education, specifically the university entrance exam.
In 2012, 300 thousand students took part in the university entrance exam. Despite an overall rate of passing of 75%, only a small fraction of people were able to go to the top schools which are called "211project" and "985 project" schools and represent the top level in the nation, similar to the Ivy League Universities in the US.
To achieve the goal of going to the top universities, high school students attend a variaty of tutorials to learn marth, english, physics and other topics. At the same time, parents prefer that their children also study during weekends. For example, my aunt generously paid 100 yuan per hour for a tutorial class in order to improve her son's grade. At school, teachers also demand that stuents work hard. In fact, students have little free time to do any other things except to study in high school.
We cannot stop thinking about the reason why situation has become like this. Maybe the reason is that studying is the only way to make one successful according to chinese view. If you do not work hard, you will fall behind.
Finally, how can the problem be solved? In fact, many teenagers are sent aboard to escape the chinese university entance exam in recent years. On the other hand, the government has put a new policy into practice called independent recruitment. The headmaster of the college will interview the student. If he or she performs well enough, he or she can attend the university without exam.