作业帮求高手点评雅思“小作文”（剑7 Test2 Task1 ）
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求高手点评雅思“小作文”（剑7 Test2 Task1 ）
请点评到细节,最好能标明错误,十分感谢
This graph gives some information about the consumption of meat and fish from 1979 to 2004 in a Europen country. It illustrates that fish is less popular than the other three kind of meat.
We can find that both the cost of beef and lamb experienced a decrease with some fluctuations from 220 grams one person per week and 150 grams to 100 grams and 50grams respectively. However, beef was the top consumed between 1983 and 1988, which is similar to the number of beef, from then on, this number fluctuated around 200 grams until 1993 when another sharp growth was found with 225 grams. The last several years witnessed another upward trend to about 250 by 2004. As for fish, there seemed to be no significant change but a minor reduction from a little over 50 grams in 1979* to less than 50 grams in 2004.
请大家从各个角度都来批评一下,我真心希望有人能来提点建设性的建议.
能不能在来点人看看啊。。。
请点评到细节,最好能标明错误,十分感谢
This graph gives some information about the consumption of meat and fish from 1979 to 2004 in a Europen country. It illustrates that fish is less popular than the other three kind of meat.
We can find that both the cost of beef and lamb experienced a decrease with some fluctuations from 220 grams one person per week and 150 grams to 100 grams and 50grams respectively. However, beef was the top consumed between 1983 and 1988, which is similar to the number of beef, from then on, this number fluctuated around 200 grams until 1993 when another sharp growth was found with 225 grams. The last several years witnessed another upward trend to about 250 by 2004. As for fish, there seemed to be no significant change but a minor reduction from a little over 50 grams in 1979* to less than 50 grams in 2004.
请大家从各个角度都来批评一下,我真心希望有人能来提点建设性的建议.
能不能在来点人看看啊。。。
感觉还不错啊~
词语和句式较为多变,介词用得也准确,数据抓取得也合理.
表达年份时,可以有多种方式,除了直接写年份的数字,也可以说the year of 2004,the 2004 year等；
表示“从图中看出”这个意思,还可以用
from the graph,we can see...
xxx is shown(illustated,outlined...)from the table
it could be easily seen that ...
多背几个,等你一想表达这个意思时,可以随时调用.
总结段一般还是必要的,加上会显得比较完整.
写小作文可以写得很精彩,但是主要还是能把图描述准确,不要每句看起来都是一种结构,总之多背些句式是好的,到最后写起来会得心应手.
词语和句式较为多变,介词用得也准确,数据抓取得也合理.
表达年份时,可以有多种方式,除了直接写年份的数字,也可以说the year of 2004,the 2004 year等；
表示“从图中看出”这个意思,还可以用
from the graph,we can see...
xxx is shown(illustated,outlined...)from the table
it could be easily seen that ...
多背几个,等你一想表达这个意思时,可以随时调用.
总结段一般还是必要的,加上会显得比较完整.
写小作文可以写得很精彩,但是主要还是能把图描述准确,不要每句看起来都是一种结构,总之多背些句式是好的,到最后写起来会得心应手.
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