英语短文修改 请大家指出短文中的错误,并做出修改,最好使语言变得地道点

英语短文修改 请大家指出短文中的错误,并做出修改,最好使语言变得地道点
Should We Pay Much Money on Luxury Goods?
With the great development of our living standard,more and more people prefer much money to buy some luxury goods they want.For example,more and more modern women are willing to spend most of their wages on the LV,Tiffany.From the behavior of these white-collars,we can read of the fact that our country is getting stronger day by day.
However,we must realize the fact that the world is an unfair world and there are still many people in some parts of the world bear the misery which is bought by poverty.How can we imagine that when we put some remaining food away,in the other side of the earth some people is worrying about what they could eat to keep alive.When we’re bored with the necklace we’ve kept for many years and want to buy a new type of Tiffany,even in the country we lived there is still some kids who don’t have much money to go to school.
So we ask ourselves why we are so aching for the luxury goods?You know,sometimes we’ve had enough what we need.We keep buying this one,that one,maybe just because it can reduce our working pressure or the quality of the product is indeed good.However,in some situations,this is not always the case.For some rich,Tiffany is just a symbol of identity,they may not even find the beauty or value of what they bought.They purchased it may just want others know:I’m rich.
We should know that the money spent on a Bentley can make 20 schools,and just in my opinion,helping the weak is more meaningful than buying the luxury products,also,it can reduce our working pressure.

“这篇作文写得很好!结构完整通顺,语义表达清晰,并且有一定的表现力.”这是我英语老师说的,很赞呀.
还有,不知道你这篇文章是不是用来应试的,是作业,还是用来演讲或者发稿的?如果是前者,老师建议你把字数要修改一下,平时考试作文的字数要求是在100字左右,如果字数太多,仍然会扣分.另外文中出现的一些需要注意的细节：1.and there are still many people in some parts of the world bear the misery which is bought by poverty.本句中的bear要用bearing形式,现在分词作定语,修饰many people.2.in the other side of the earth some people is worrying about what they could eat to keep alive.本句中的介词in改为on.3.So we ask ourselves why we are so aching for the luxury goods?句中的aching改为itching.4.For some rich,Tiffany is just a symbol of identity,they may not even find the beauty or value of what they bought.本句中的rich后加people,并且在they前面加and构成并列句.5.They purchased it may just want others know:I’m rich.本句中know前面加不定式to.6.We should know that the money spent on a Bentley can make 20 schools这个句子中make最好改为be used to open.7 helping the weak is more meaningful than buying the luxury products,also,it can reduce our working pressure.同样本句中后半句改为and it also can.,用and连接并列句.