我下面这篇作文蓝鸽得了78分（满分100）,请帮我看下有哪些错误?

我下面这篇作文蓝鸽得了78分（满分100）,请帮我看下有哪些错误?
Graduated from the high school,we entered the college campus where may be far away from our home.And not only the environment is totally different,but the teaching method is also changed.So I think we need the following qualities so as to quickly adapt to the new environment and make our life more fully.
At first,we must set a long term goal for ourselves.And then we separate the large goal into several small aims which would be more realistic.The reason why we have to do this is obvious and I'd like to quote the saying to answer it,“Have an aim in life,or your energies will all be wasted.”
The second and the third qualities are “stand on one's own” and “self-control”.Since we have a dream,we must work hard to achieve it.In the college,parent's words are no longer around us.So we have to do everything by ourselves.Whithout these two qualities,we would easily fall into kinds of traps such as the addition to the games and the lazy habits.
The last but not the least,we should be outgoing.As we all know,the college just like a society.We have to make new friends,take part in clubs and participant the competitions and so on.One the one hand,that would add to the pleasures of the life.And on the other hand,taking such activities is a way for us to be prepared to step into the society.
In short,I think the four qualities listed above are essential to a college student who want to be successful.

高中毕业,我们进入大学校园里哪里可以远离我们的家.,而不只是环境完全不同,但其教学方法也发生了变化.所以我认为我们需要的职业素质,快速适应新环境,使我们的生活更加通透.
首先,我们必须建立一个长期目标为自己.然后我们把大目标分成几个小的目标将更加逼真.我们为什么要做的这是显而易见的,我想报说回答时,“人生应该树立目标,否则你的精力会白白浪费.”
第二个和第三个品质是“站在自己的”和“自制”.因为我们有一个梦想,我们必须努力去实现.在大学里,父母的话都不再在我们身边.所以我们要做的一切事情都由自己.没有这两种品质,我们很容易落入陷阱等各种之外的比赛和懒惰的习惯.
最后但不是最不重要的,我们应该外向.我们都知道,大学就像一个社会.我们必须结识新朋友,参加俱乐部和参与者比赛等.一方面,这将会增加生活的乐趣.另一方面,以这样的活动是让我们准备踏入社会.
总之,我认为上述四项品质是必要的,一个大学生希望达到成功.
你作文写得没有错,但是我总觉得你偏题了!