雅思作文批改,最好顺便能给个大体分数!

雅思作文批改,最好顺便能给个大体分数!
分类：globalization
大作文练习
时间：8月30日晚21点37到22点15
When international media convey the same messages to the global audience,people argue that expansion of international media has negative impacts on cultural diversity.What is your opinion?
Globalization is a term that refers to the activity that involves more than one country,for example,from the mess media to the cultural values.So there is a heated discussion involving around the potential impacts of the international media bought to the countries,especially to the needy country.Some people are concerned about the communication by international media imposing an negative impacts on cultural diversity,instead of promoting it.This notion can be rejected as one can see many facts in favor of the development by international media.
International media is good for the culture of one nation.Firstly,with the help of it the culture can spread by sorts of terms,which can improve the communication between different countries.Even sometimes the information or messages are similar,but the international media can help the countries enhance the mutual understanding of other unique culture.For example,the USA make full use of the advanced media to spread the American’s culture; so we can have opportunities to get touch with the spirit of American,just like American Dream.It is obviously that compared with its drawbacks,the international media can bring us a lot of benefits that the countries can learn from each other.Secondly,accepting other country’s culture is not the same as that of abandoning domestic culture.Some international media,just like BBC and CNN,make a series of videos or movies that we can enjoy other country’s culture.So we can achieve a lot of benefits from it.
Some people may argue that the same messages conveyed by international media will do harmful to cultural diversity.That may be true.The global media is in the hands of a few powerful organizations or wealthy countries.They can advise their own culture to accomplish some certain political objects.However,in my opinion,the aims of global media are cater to the demands from the inputted countries,which make it to advertise their culture based on the local custom.For instance,it is possible for one international media to broadcast their culture without any similar local factors.So I suppose it is not so severe and it protect local culture in some terms.
According to the above analysis,we can clearly observe that international media bringing more merits than demerits.We must make full use of it to serve for our life.

文章写得完整.句子段落清楚.绝大多数词汇使用正确.但有些句子结构不够严紧,前后联系不紧密.有些地方表达不清.
整体尚有许多地方需改进.按雅思作文标准,估计可以得4.5-5.0分.
1.'for example,from the mess media to the cultural values' the example has nothing to do with the previous statement.mess media and cultural don't form a contrast pair at this place.
2.'there is a heated discussion.' it is better to use 'there have been heated discussions...'
3.'to the needy country' Globalization's impact has not been limited to only certain countries.
4.'communication by international media' it is better to use 'the expansion of international media'
5.'an negative impacts' impact is normally negative so you don't need negative here.'an...impacts' is wrong,s should be deleted.
6.'This notion can be rejected as one can see many facts in favor of the development by international media' is not clear.
7.International media is good for the culture of one nation.what does this mean?
8.'with the help of it' it is better to use 'with its help' please use simple English;
9.'by sorts of terms' what is the meaning of this
10.'Even sometimes the information or messages are similar,but the...' 'Even...but is incorrect;
11.'of other unique culture' is not needed;
12.'the USA make full use of the advanced media to spread the American’s culture' It is better to use' the USA have taken advantage of the advance media to promote American culture';
13.'to get touch with the spirit of American' 'to get in touch with the American spirit'
14.'just like American Dream' is not needed here;
15.'abandoning domestic culture' better to use '.its own culture';
16.' Some international media,just like BBC and CNN,' should be '.media companies,such as BBC and CNN...';
17.make a series of videos or movies that we can enjoy other country’s culture' better to use '.movies by which we can enjoy.'
18.'Some people may argue that the same messages conveyed by international media will do harmful to cultural diversity.' should be '.will be harmful to .';
19.'can advise their own culture to accomplish.' it is confusing; advise?
20.'...are cater to the demands from the inputted countries,which make it to advertise their culture based on the local custom' unclear message?
21.'.it protect local culture in some terms.' it should be '.protects...to some extent'.
22.'According to the above analysis' better to use 'in conclusion'
23.' we can clearly observe that' better to use 'it is clear.'
24.' international media bringing...' bringing is wrong;
25.'...use of it to serve for our life' better to use '.use of it to serve our society and to improve our life.'