请托福高人帮忙看下独立写作作文水平,好让自己有个数.谢谢(财富暂时用完了,后来补上,）

请托福高人帮忙看下独立写作作文水平,好让自己有个数.谢谢(财富暂时用完了,后来补上,）
请托福高人帮忙看下独立写作作文水平,好让自己有个数.
你如何减少自己的压力?
Now,there is a question how you reducing your stress?I know there are a lot of ways to do it,but which one is your favourite way?Some people like to read when they feel stressful,some people want to listen the music.Personally speaking,I think swimming is a best way for me.
To begin with,I can make some new guys in swimming poor.I mean,I like to make friends,I am sure I can not live without my friends in my life,so I want to do everything what I can make friends.And I am good at swimming,so I can teach others how to swim,during that times,I can get some new friends.
Furthermore,swimming can make me happy,when I swimming,I enjoy the feeling of the water surround me.So I need not to think other things.One day I got my grade of finally text.To be honest,it was so terrible.Of course,my mother felt unhappy.I felt stressful because before the text,I promised my mom I could got a good grade,but the fact was not.So I wanted to swimming,I went to swimming at 3,when I back was 8.I can not believe I stayed at there for 5 hours.But when I back home I really felt more better than before.
At last,I know my first girlfriend at swimming poor where close to my house.I like swimming,so I often go swimming.Before I went to high school,I went to swimming poor twice a week.One weekend,I go swimming as before,I knew her.And we often met at there,then,I became her boyfriend.But 2 year later,she has to leave form the city where I live,because of her father’s work.So when I go swimming,I usually think about her,which can let me feel happy.
Despite today there are a lot of way we can reduce stress,but as I have said,I still insist that swimming is my best way to reduce stress.
你选择什么方式去减少你自己的压力?

楼上..人家都说了是托福作文了...
LZ不谈内容,感觉你词汇比较干枯,HAPPY,I KNOW之类的,你可以背些替换的 "高级"一点的词组