小弟马上要考雅思,由于第一次,没经验,希望高手能帮批改一下作文.

小弟马上要考雅思,由于第一次,没经验,希望高手能帮批改一下作文.
Some people think all students should learn a foreign.Others believe that students should not learn a foreign language if she or he does not have the talent for it.Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.
In China,nearly every school have the English courses range from primary school to college,even some kindergarden.Children are forced to learn English at the very earl age,and in some metropolis,kids are asked to study some other foreign languages such as Franch or Japanese etc.It is common that every students should know another foreign language which is good for their future,but there are still some opposite voices that believe whather to learn a foreign language depends on your talent,we shouldn't force someone without talent for foreign language to study something which is a waste of time.
For the supporters who think foreign language is important believe that it will provide students with a better career development if they are able to use a foreign language especially for college students,there are tons of thousands of gruadutes facing the employment pressure,a foreign language is a strong weapon to help them grasp more oppotunities.And learning a froeign makes it easier for us to communicate with foreigners.As the rapid development of our society and the promotion of the standard of our life,more and more people choose go aboard to enrich their experience and expend our horizen,or just chat online.Understanding a foreign helps us communicate with foreigners and understand foreign culture better.
For the people disagree with that support forcing students without talent to learn a foreign language is money-consuming and takes time.Talent is the basic element to learn something,it's hard for someone without talent to do well in the aspect which he/she isn't good at,especially when they are forced.This will only the wasted effort.It is likely that they will make more achievement in the areas which thet are good at rather than the one they lack of talent.
As for me,i think we should make decision by ourselves.Maybe when we are young,we can't desiced,and we will be forced to learn a foreign,but after we know about ourselves clearly,we should choose our way to whether keep on.Just keep in mind,choose the one that you are sure is real good for yourself.
希望能给出具体能得几分,能给一些建议当然更好,希望能回复快点,

其实雅思写作要拿高分,框架和思维很重要.
1.简单说来,你的开头需要言简意赅,一提出问题,二列举论点,三简单概括自己意见.
2、正文段,开头句需要paragraph本段大意,引领下文,需要简单点,可以使用复杂句型,但不要太长.
3.结尾段既是总结全文,又是强调自己观点.最好不提出新观点.使证明上面全文论点论据有理有力!
可能这篇..个人意见保守估计,5.5