六级作文,哪个大神来看看我写的需要哪方面的进步.

六级作文,哪个大神来看看我写的需要哪方面的进步.
you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled College Students Should Take Part in Social Practice following the outline given below.You should write at least 120 words but no more than 180 words.
1、很多大学生缺乏社会实践
2、大学生应该参加社会实践
3、我的观点
A large group of college students don't attend much social practice lately.And as a result,they naturally lack experience in it.This phenomenon has brought about heated discussion among the general public.People exclaim in concern for our nation's future that college students ought to take part in social practice.
The public's concern isn't anything of exaggeration.First of all,as the old saying goes,practice is the sole criterion for testing truth.If all college students do is just cramming their heads with knowledge obtained from books,there is no way they can get a hold of what truth really is,the penalty of which would be dreadfully severe.What's more,when they step out to the society,they won't stand a chance in its fierce competition if they don't know anything about it.After all,the basic knowledge needed for their future adventure in the society can only be obtained in social practice.
In my point of view,it's college students's obligation to cultivate themselves and make themselves a useful and competent member of the society.Having always been in the spotlight of the whole society's concern,it's only unacceptable if college students turn out to be incompetent and can't even fit in well.Thus college students should take part in social practice more often and put the knowledge they learn from books into application.

感觉你用了一些类似goole translator的东西
不要用类似古歌翻译来翻译整个句子,一般翻译出来都是错的
much social practice-----enough social activities
And不能放句首
As a result, they lack the ability of social communicatoin.
This argumentative issue draws public attention.
The future of the nation is concerned.
It is necessary for some college students to participate in more events relating to common life.
总之就是少用google translator,如果某个词不会就去这查http://www.wordreference.com
只查单词,别查句子.
英语能力是一点一点积累的,如果你像提高写作能力就多读书,看英文杂质,
比如nytimes, washingtonpost, forbes... 推荐经常看看.
还有一些英文畅销书
http://www.nytimes.com/best-sellers-books/overview.html美国畅销书榜