2012考研英语二 图表大作文,帮我看看能得多少分

2012考研英语二 图表大作文,帮我看看能得多少分
我是套模板写的,请一定要懂的同学来回答.千万别乱说.
Part-time job does exert such a profound effect on our college lifethat it revolutionizes the way of student’s living and thinking.As is clearlyrevealed in the chart there is two different situations to part-time job.It’sobvious that the rate which student takes a part-time job is 70% before seniorand itcloser to 90% when senior.
The thought-provoking chart a mirrors common phenomenon incontemporary college that more and more students want to get a part-timeemployment before he get in society.Of all the ingredients of success,experienceseems to be the first within our control.More experience can broaden our horizon,enlarge our scope of knowledge and enrich our spiritual civilization.But thegoal of achieving a harmonious society may fall throughunder the negative influence of bad part-time job.Bad part-time bringgreat loss to both the individual and the whole society and kill a great massof time.That is to say,if you have a good part-time job you have a wonderful college experience.
I admit a belief that job that happened themselves are not good or bad and we canbenefit a lot from part-time job if we make a wise choice for them.
麻烦稍微懂点的来回答。或者提供我一些新东方老师的微博什么的。大哥这个作文满分才15分，

整体来说不错,就是最后一段似乎结尾过于笼统,可以考虑多写点“废话”（套话）上去,