高考作文 假如你是一名高三学生,最近你看了一则央视公益广告Family且深有感触.请用英语 你校英语报写一篇立志学习,感

高考作文
假如你是一名高三学生,最近你看了一则央视公益广告Family且深有感触.请用英语 你校英语报写一篇立志学习,感恩父母的文章,内容包括你的经历,现在的感受和今后的打箅.
央视的广告 一分钟 百度视频 搜索 央视公益广告family 即可看到
Recently a public service advertisement Family has impressed me and moved me deeply.In the picture,‘F’ stands for father,‘M’ stands for mother,and ‘I’ is me.The picture reveals a theme that wherever there is love,there is responsibility.
When I was young,parents take the responsibility and hold back rain and wind by themselves.Father earns money and supports the family,while mother cook meals and do all the housework.In constract,I the one who are loved and protected.As I grow up day by day,I find that parents become old.Father has to use a stick to help him walk,and mother aren’t beautiful as she were.I realize that it’s time I took responsibility and care for the family in turn.
The public advertisement make me in deep thought.Our parents work hard to let us grow up happily,but used up their energy and became old in the end.We finally grow up but to find they are old and grey.We were brought up under selfless love from a baby to an adult.Since parents become old and we are young,we should take the responsibily and do things for our family.Action speaks louder than words.I love you,father and mother!
提供详细批改 包括短语用得不对的地方 语法错误 低级错误 更高级的句型 润色的建议 作为高考作文不足之处和优秀文章的差距

Recently a public service advertisement Family has impressed me （and moved） me deeply.
评价：不错
修改：
In the picture, ‘F’ stands for father, ‘M’ stands for mother, and ‘I’ is me.
评价：描述性文字中规中矩
修改：
The picture reveals a theme that wherever there is love, there is responsibility.
评价：好评
修改：
【新段】
When I was young, parents take the responsibility and （hold back）【shoulder】 rain and wind (by themselves)【for us.】
评价：hold back 读不懂
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Father （earns money and ）supports the family, while mother （cook meals and） do【es】 all the housework.
评价：不要重复
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In constract, I the one who （are）is loved and protected.
评价：语法错能忍吗
修改：
As I grow up day by day, I find that parents （become old）【are getting older and older】.
评价：怪怪的
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Father has to use a stick to help him walk, and mother aren’t beautiful as she were.
评价：不错的句子
修改：
I realize that it（’s） 【should be my】time I took responsibility and care for the family in turn. 【and enable my parents enjoy the happiness that they can get rid of burdens】
评价：不通啊!你读～
修改：
【新段】
The public advertisement make me in deep thought.
评价：有这样的用法?
修改：用give me a lesson
Our parents work hard to let us grow up happily, but used up their energy and became old in the end.
评价：蛮感动的
修改：
We finally grow up but to find they are old and 【in?】 grey.
评价：but to !严重错误连词后面加句子,扣分!你妹!气氛都被破坏了
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We were brought up under selfless love from a 【naive】 baby to an 【mature】 adult.
评价：略显单调
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（Since ）parents become old and we are （young）【surprised that ww are strong】,【.】【It's the very time for us to create a happy life for our parents. So】 we should take the responsibily and do things for our family.
评价：充实之
修改：
Action speaks louder than words. I love you, father and mother!
评价：这次结尾好了很多!点赞,开头还得再吸引人一点.避免语法错误.
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