求各位高手帮忙修改下我的作文啦.非常感谢!

求各位高手帮忙修改下我的作文啦.非常感谢!
Occupy WallStreet
It said “Financiers Are Frauds!” which was outstanding among the crowd.
Since September 17thin 2011, a big demonstration aiming at financial industry has spread all around the U.S.A from the Wall Street. The organizers intent to fight against the power-for-money deal, the conflict between two parties and the ubiquitous injustice.
For its quickly being heated as a social movement of a mass character, the president Obama and many political party people responded actively. Piles of media’s reports drew the whole world’s attention. This event tipped off all leaders of each country to attach more importance to the people’s livelihood. Obama had once promised to punish Wall Street and supervise the financial market strictly during his election. He let all Americans down, and this time they couldn’t bear the serious social problems any more. Common citizens, stars, student, corporations, labor unions, media all devoted in this” war”. The political rift, polarization, big gap of wealth, continuously increasing unemployment rate, the greedy Financiers all have exposed before the man and require immediately solution.
Nobody knows the result of this protracted war. But all people knew that a nation’s peace and stability depend on whetherpeople live happy or not. The people’s livelihood is all!

.Common citizens,stars,student,corporations,labor unions,media all devoted in this” war”语法有问题