作业帮检查一下几个句子是否有语法错误,如果有请改正
来源：学生作业帮 编辑：作业帮 分类：英语作业 时间：2024/05/08 22:47:00
检查一下几个句子是否有语法错误,如果有请改正
Our mission statement is to enrich our after classes life while we just spend less money to enjoy more fun.
We aim at providing a comfortable place and a convenient way for students to have fun and buy magazines.
Our first goal is to earn back our cost and make a profit in a year.
The second goal is to make students around us to keep focusing on our shop services and introduce our shop to more new customers.
The third goal is to attract some new sponsors who want to put advertisements in our shop.
the fourth goal is to open chain shops.
The fourth goal is to open chain shops.
Our mission statement is to enrich our after classes life while we just spend less money to enjoy more fun.
We aim at providing a comfortable place and a convenient way for students to have fun and buy magazines.
Our first goal is to earn back our cost and make a profit in a year.
The second goal is to make students around us to keep focusing on our shop services and introduce our shop to more new customers.
The third goal is to attract some new sponsors who want to put advertisements in our shop.
the fourth goal is to open chain shops.
The fourth goal is to open chain shops.
语法凑合,但大量语义冗余...随便举几个例子
our mission is就可以了,statement没必要加afte classes life应该是 after-class life, 这里的"-"不能省略,这不是标点问题,是个语法问题,具体为什么不展开了.另外“课余生活”这整一个term就是中国特色的,老外没有这种说法.first goal（第一个目的）有点奇怪,primary goal（首要目的）比较好,但意思各有不同,你自己体会下,再选择吧.profit就是利润,所以很明显就会earn back our cost.这里逻辑上重复了.另外,学生组织一般都应该是non-profit的,所以追求利润是第一个目的显得有些难理解.一般财务上说收支平衡的用词是break evensome new sponsors,一样的问题,some没必要加.who want to put xxxx这个也没有必要,因为sponsor明显是要做广告的.如果你要用who从句,可以从（学生中的）品牌影响力,曝光度,知名度这边着手.推荐的词汇有expand/increase brand impact/visibility/exposure
总的来说,主要的问题是逻辑上的,后面的几条都不能算是goal,只能算是strategy.如果更高一点要求,用词都显得太不正式了,口吻上太随意了.比如商业上的正式文书一般不说buy,而用purchase.
our mission is就可以了,statement没必要加afte classes life应该是 after-class life, 这里的"-"不能省略,这不是标点问题,是个语法问题,具体为什么不展开了.另外“课余生活”这整一个term就是中国特色的,老外没有这种说法.first goal（第一个目的）有点奇怪,primary goal（首要目的）比较好,但意思各有不同,你自己体会下,再选择吧.profit就是利润,所以很明显就会earn back our cost.这里逻辑上重复了.另外,学生组织一般都应该是non-profit的,所以追求利润是第一个目的显得有些难理解.一般财务上说收支平衡的用词是break evensome new sponsors,一样的问题,some没必要加.who want to put xxxx这个也没有必要,因为sponsor明显是要做广告的.如果你要用who从句,可以从（学生中的）品牌影响力,曝光度,知名度这边着手.推荐的词汇有expand/increase brand impact/visibility/exposure
总的来说,主要的问题是逻辑上的,后面的几条都不能算是goal,只能算是strategy.如果更高一点要求,用词都显得太不正式了,口吻上太随意了.比如商业上的正式文书一般不说buy,而用purchase.