雅思小作文求批改!剑8 Test 4 语法不是特别好,自己练习ing,希望大家多给一些意见.

雅思小作文求批改!剑8 Test 4 语法不是特别好,自己练习ing,希望大家多给一些意见.
The diagrams display the information about UK residents travel to other countries and overseas residents travel to UK between 1979 and 1999,and show the most popular countries for UK residents to travel in 1999.
As is shown in the line chart,in general,the number of UK residents who visited abroad and that of overseas residents who visited to the UK were all increased during these 20 years,rising to about 53millions and 28 millions respectively.However,the statistic of former was always more than that of latter,and the gap between the two data had an increasing tendency,especially the difference dramatic enlarged from approximately 1985 to 1999.
Focusing on the bar graph,it is clear seen that France was the most popular country for UK travelers in 1999,accounting for about 11 millions.The second popular country was Spain,and the number of visitors was 9 millions.Except these two countries,there were 3 countries UK residents preferred to visit in 1999,which were Turkey (2.5 millions),Greece (3 millions),and USA (3.5 millions).
Overall,the number of UK residents who traveled abroad sharp rose from 1979 to 1999.Meanwhile,France gained the most number of UK visitors.

1.这是个什么图?饼状图?条形图?流程图?要先交代明白啊!具体的数据起码要出来,你在回答里就写了一个bar chart,水知道你的数据错没错?
2其实写的还真不错,能打在6分左右（只要考官脑子没毛病就肯定是右）数据列的很清楚但是词汇比较简单,建议用词复杂委婉一点,要让考官看懂还不能让他烦,语法错误我就不跳了,写成你这样的作文语法要是再有问题你就自己解决吧.参考一下后面的考官例文