我写的作文请大家提一下意见

我写的作文请大家提一下意见
The picture vividly portrays a thought—provking sence in which there are so many cars on the crowded road that they can not move any more,then drivers fall asleep when trapped in the situation.Obviously,it goes without saying that the picture aims at revealing a common and seriously and common phenomenon:traffic jams are prevailing nowadays.
The following reasons may be contribute to the phenomenon.firstly,some businessmen short of occupational principles,in order to save cost and make profit,overtaking is still frequently detected,regardless of life healthy.Secondly,with development of economic and technologic ,more and more people have all forms of automobiles,which result in frequently traffic jams.therefore ,traffic jams are like epidemic disease that spreads fast and will destroy the whole traffic system if not cured in time.
Considering the above analysis ,we should adopt efficient and positive measures to prevent the situation from deterorating .for one thing ,the government need to implement sufficiently relevant laws and regulations in order to strengthen inspections.for instance ,to reduce price and improve relevant facilities .for another,an awarness of leading a frugal and health life should be infused to everybody’s mind .only in this way,can we improve situation of the overcrowed traffic

Obviously,it goes without saying that 重复 a common and seriously and common phenomenon:traffic jams are prevailing nowadays.笔误吗?重复了两个common,seriously改为serious
The following reasons may be contribute to the phenomenon改为去掉be
economic and technologic 改为名词形式,frequently 改为形容词
大体看了下,还有很多次不太了解用法,不敢胡说