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高中英语月考作文,求改错求评价.有图.

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高中英语月考作文,求改错求评价.有图.
 

 
I' m Loretta,who is a student in class 8.I have a fancy(一般fancy不是这么用的) for speaking English.【I am interested in speaking English】 My English (这里少了一个be动词,应该添上is) well enough to pass for(不要用pass for) a native speaker.【My English is well enough to communicate with English native speaker.】 And(and是连词,一定要连接两个完整的句子,连词要比一个句子里的动词少一个,你这个句子有两个动词 and和for,但是有两个动词,说明你应该去掉一个连词.去掉and.) I get along(get along一般都是说get along with somebody) swimming with my classmates,for(这里没有因果关系,不能用for) I always treat each of(each of不是这么用的) my classmate as my friend.【I treat every classmate as my friends and I get along with them pretty well.】
If I will be the monitor(虚拟,于现在相反,不应该这么说哦)【If I were a monitor或者用倒装来说were I a monitor】,what I need to do(这个从句的逻辑主语和主句的主语不一样是不对的.主句主语是I,从句的逻辑主语也应该是I,而不是what I need to do) is to help my classmates when they get into trouble.【整句的修改:Were I a monitor,I would help my classmates whenever they get into trouble.】
Moreover,some of activities after class is ...(看不懂这词) I will lend all of the boy to play football after class.【看不是很懂这句话的意思,你的意思是不是:More over,I would organize activities after class to keep my classmate fit.For instance,I would let all boys in my class to play football.】
Last but not least(最后的但不是最不重要的这种表达是OK的啊),I will(虚拟,应该用would) help all of my teachers to do what I need to do and make the class wonderful every day!【Furthermore,I would assume my responsibility to help all my teachers to ensure every class is efficient every day】
That's all.
修改后的句子在【】里,错误在()括号里
很细致地改了40多分钟了.求设为最佳答案TAT!
再问: 感谢啊。
再问: 还有那my English well是词典的原句,用在这里也能表示一个人的英文水平吧。。
再问: have fancy for喜爱某物,我们阅读理解有差不多的,应该可以用吧。。
再问: 我和同学相处的好因为我把每个人当做我的朋友。。感觉也行得通啊。求解答
再问: 还有啊,我同学说because=,+for对吗??。。
再问: indispensable是必不可少的意思。
再问: 你的classmate不用复数吗
再问: 最后问一个,I am so grateful to you for your help.这个句子有问题吗?
再答: 可是my English well没有谓语也。 have fancy for是OK,可能国内考试会比较喜欢这种比较fancy的句子。。 我和同学相处的好因为我把每个人当做我的朋友这句中文OK,英文表达得不够正确。I get along with every classmate well for I treat them as my friends.这样OK。 because=for是对的。 这些简单的语法问题我还是OK的,但是高考英语的选择题语法题我就是在不行了。。没学过。。