托福独立写作 求批改在家工作好还是在办公室工作好Nowadays,some people hold the opinio

托福独立写作 求批改
在家工作好还是在办公室工作好
Nowadays,some people hold the opinion that working in the office is better than working at home,while others prefer working at home.As for me,I cling to an unshakeable belief that working in the office is the best choice.
Basic to any understanding of the benefits we can get from,working in the office gains the most efficient result.On one hand,you’ll find it’s quite convenient for you to communicate with your colleagues while you stuck in some problems.Thus you can get many useful ideas from your teammates to help you come across them.On the other hand,working in the office provides a high efficient atmosphere during your working time.You can easily concentrate on what you are handing with.What’s more,office can provides you any documents you need during the work.
Further lending credence to my position is that office also can be a place for you to enlarge your circles of society.You can make friends with you colleagues,your customers or even you boss.To be frankly,those friendships may be not as pure as the friends you’ve made in your childhood,but as far as I am concerned,more friends will make you fell happier during your working time.Maybe some day in the future,you can get help from them,or maybe you can’t,but at least you can practice your communicating skills with them.
Admittedly,working at home also has certain merits which deserve some words here.For instance,working at home means you needn’t to face the bad traffic,which means you will save a lot of time to enjoy your life.Also you’ll have more time to share with your families.However,those advantages may cause new problems.Family members,especially children can easily divert your attention from working.Although working at home can save time on traffic,but the low efficiency may leads to the result that your working time become longer and longer.Compared with the high efficiency during working in the office,it pales.
Therefore,due to the above mentioned reasons,which sometimes correlate with each other to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive than any single one of the,I reinforce my stand point that working in the office is between than working at home
我用了个模版 帮看行不行啊

Nowadays,some people hold the opinion that working in the office is better than working
at home,while others prefer working at home.As for me,I cling to an
unshakeable belief that working in the office is the best choice.
Basic to any understanding of the benefits we can get from,working in the
office gains the most efficient result(s).On one hand,you’ll find it’s quite
convenient for you to communicate with your colleagues while you stuck in (on)
some problems.Thus you can get many useful ideas from your teammates to help
you come across them.On the other hand,working in the office provides a high
efficient atmosphere during your working time.You can easily concentrate on
what you are handing with.What’s more,(要加the) office can provides (provide) you any documents you need during the work.
Further lending credence to my position is that office also can be a place for
you to enlarge your circles of society.You can make friends with you (your) colleagues,
your customers or even you (your) boss.To be frankly (frank),those
friendships may be not as pure as the friends you’ve made in your childhood,
but as far as I am concerned,more friends will make you fell (feel) happier
during your working time.Maybe some day in the future,you can get help from
them,or maybe you can’t,but at least you can practice your communicating
skills with them.
Admittedly,working at home also has certain merits which deserve some words
here.For instance,working at home means you needn’t to face the bad traffic,
which means you will save a lot of time to enjoy your life.Also you’ll have
more time to share with your families.However,those (these) advantages may
cause new problems.Family members,especially children can easily divert your
attention from working.Although working at home can save time on (in) traffic,
but the low efficiency may leads (lead) to the result that your working time
become (becomes) longer and longer.Compared with the high efficiency during
working in the office,it pales.
Therefore,due to the above mentioned reasons,which sometimes correlate with
each other to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive than any
single one of the (them),I reinforce my stand point (standpoint 是一个字) that working in the office
is between (应该是better 罢) than working at home
写得非常之好,只有少许错漏,已顺序替你更正好了(在括弧内),若满意的话,请不要忘了采纳,