请英文高手查看文法语句是否有错误,给予纠正,

请英文高手查看文法语句是否有错误,给予纠正,
What do you think is the most precious in the world?Money?Honor?Above all these,the most valuable is human heart,I think.To heal the hard closed heart and obtain it,it is the most valuable thing.I want to be an art therapist who heals the broken heart and gives hope to them.
I had an uncle in my family.He suffered from alcoholism and lived a very miserable life.My family tried every means to cure him,but we could not cure his disease,which finally drove him to committing suicide.I felt much pity for him who chose death.Though he looks bright on the outside,he actually had a very serious wound in his heart.If the wound in his heart had been healed,he would be living an happy life now.Through his death I realized that we should express our feelings every time when we felt heart broken.
An art therapist is like a star transmitting light into heart.We have heard of the news that a sexual assault has been increasing.I want to run to the children to cure their heart who are going through the broken heart which cannot be expressed in words.I am helping those who are in need through voluntary service
I lived pretending to have no problems or to do right with my heart hidden.One day I told a teacher what I have in mind.After that,I felt relieved from my problems.We are living in the competition-oriented society without taking care of our mind.People usually draw a painting for their own happiness,but I want to draw a painting to heal the disease in human heart and to plant hope in its heart.Thank you for listening.

What do you think is the most precious in the world?Money?Honor?Above all these,the most valuable thing(缺少主语,加上thing )is human heart,I think.To heal the hard closed heart and obtain it（it 应删去,使前后成句）is the most valuable thing.I want to be an art therapist who heals the broken heart and gives hope to them.
I had an uncle in my family.He suffered from alcoholism and lived a very miserable life.My family tried every means to cure him,but we failed（could not cure his disease删去,以避免重复）,（which finally drove,which引导这个定语从句有点牵强,删除）and he committed suicide in the end.I felt much pity for him who chose death.Though he looked（用过去时）bright in appearance（on the outside改为in appearance）,he actually had a very serious wound in his heart.If the wound in his heart had been healed,he would be living a happy life now.His death(Through his death改为His death)make me understand （realized改为understand）that we should express our feelings to others（every time删去）when we felt heart broken.
An art therapist is like a star transmitting light into heart.We have heard of the news that a sexual assault has been increasing.I want to run to the children to cure their hearts who are going through the broken heart which cannot be expressed in words.I am helping those who are in need through voluntary service
I lived pretending to have no problems or to do right with my heart hidden.One day I told a teacher what I had（have改为had） on my mind.（表示不开心的是在心里用on） （After that,改为then ）then I felt relieved from my problems.We are living in the competition-oriented society without taking care of our mind.People usually only care about （draw a painting for表达不规范,最好不用,改为care about）their own happiness,but I want to do something for the people in need（draw a painting to heal the disease in human heart and to plant hope in its heart删去）.Thank you for listening
修改后的全文如下：
What do you think is the most precious in the world?Money?Honor?Above all these,the most valuable thing is human heart,I think.To heal the hard closed heart and obtain it is the most valuable thing.I want to be an art therapist who heals the broken heart and gives hope to them.
I had an uncle in my family.He suffered from alcoholism and lived a very miserable life.My family tried every means to cure him,but we failed,and he committed suicide in the end.I felt much pity for him who chose death.Though he looke bright in appearance,he actually had a very serious wound in his heart.If the wound in his heart had been healed,he would be living a happy life now.His death make me understand that we should express our feelings to others when we felt heart broken.
An art therapist is like a star transmitting light into heart.We have heard of the news that a sexual assault has been increasing.I want to run to the children to cure their hearts who are going through the broken heart which cannot be expressed in words.I am helping those who are in need through voluntary service
I lived pretending to have no problems or to do right with my heart hidden.One day I told my teacher I had on my mind.Then I felt relieved from my problems.We are living in the competition-oriented society without taking care of our mind.People usually only care about their own happiness,but I really want to do something for the people in need.Thank you for listening