急求一个英语小笑话,符合初一水平

急求一个英语小笑话,
符合初一水平

Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?
　　Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.
　　Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?
　　Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.
　　妈妈：弗雷迪,你的脸为什么那么红?
　　弗雷迪：我刚才在大街上跑,为的是阻止一次打架?
　　妈妈：你做的对,谁和谁在打架.
　　弗雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯.
　　Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
　　Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".
　　老师：汤姆,您为什么每天上学迟到?
　　汤姆：我每次路过拐角,一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行."
　　Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
　　Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
　　妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的?
　　汤姆：我刚吃完药,可我忘了先摇瓶子了
　　Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?
　　Jack: Certainly.
　　Tom: And why?
　　Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.
　　汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑.我该不该借给他?
　　杰克：当然应该了.
　　汤姆：为什么?
　　杰克：否则他就该跟我借了.
　　Stranger: Catch any fish?
　　陌生人：钓到鱼了吗?
　　Fisherman: Did I! I took forty out of this stream this morning.
　　钓鱼者：我是谁?一早晨我就在这条小溪钓到了40多条鱼呢.
　　Stranger: Know who I am? I'm the game warden
　　陌生人：你知道我是谁吗?我是这里的渔猎执行官.
　　Fisherman: Know who I am? I'm the biggest liar in the state
　　钓鱼者：那你知道我是谁吗?我是全国最大的说谎者.
　　3.Teacher: Tom, why are you so late for school tdoay? And where is your homework book?
　　Tom: Sorry, Miss. I met a robber on my way to school this morning...
　　Teachse: Oh, My Gosh! So terrible! Did he robber anything from you?
　　Tom: He...he robbed my homework book.
　　老师：汤姆,你今天为什么迟到这么久?还有你的家庭作业本呢?
　　汤姆：对不起,老师,我今天在上学的路上遇上了一个抢劫犯……
　　老师：噢,天哪!太糟糕了!他抢了你什么东西没有?
　　汤姆：他……他抢走了我的家庭作业本……
　　Who Was Disgusting?
　　Simon said to his friend,"My new neighbor was very disgusting.He rang the bell of my house late at night.""It was really disgusting.Did you call the police?"said his
　　friend.Simon said,"No.I just took him as a mad man,and continued to play the piano".
　　谁是恶心的?
　　西蒙对他的朋友说,“我对我的新邻居是很反感的.他老在深夜按我家的门铃.”“真恶心.你报警了吗?”他说朋友.西蒙说,“我只是把他当作一个疯子,继续弹钢琴”.
　　Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
　　and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
　　汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
　　吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
　　附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
　　A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
　　一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
　　Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”
　　“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”
　　一盒小火柴
　　妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴.汤米回来后,妈妈问他,“你买的是好用的火柴吗?”
　　“是的,妈妈.”汤米回答,“我把它们都试过了.”
　　Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
　　Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
　　开车
　　父亲：哎呀,我刚才违规右转弯了.
　　苏西：没事,爸,跟在你后面的警察也这么转了.
　　Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
　　“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.
　　“You’er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
　　“She is the one who sells the candy.”
　　好孩子
　　小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱.
　　“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
　　“我给了一个可怜的老太婆.”他回答说.“你真是一个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱.可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
　　“她是个卖糖果的.”
　　Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?”
　　“A kid bit me,”replied Ivan.
　　“Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother.
　　“I’d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.”
　　他的耳朵在我的衣兜里
　　伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里.他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”
　　“一个男孩咬了我一口.”伊凡说.
　　“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问.
　　“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说,“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里.”
　　Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
　　Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
　　Teacher: Please tell us.
　　Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
　　两只鸟
　　老师： 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀.谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?
　　学生：我指不出,但我知道答案.
　　老师：请说说看.
　　学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子.
　　我也是初一的~
　　其中有我课前三分钟用过的哦.
　　求最佳~