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22考雅思啦,大作文第一次写,求打分,

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22考雅思啦,大作文第一次写,求打分,
Some people think the government should increase the sports facilities to solve the public health problems.However,others think that other measures should be taken to help resolve this problem.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In contemporary world,with the development of the science and technology,a increasingly large number of people prefer a sedentory lifestyle which will definitely engender a higher incidence of ailments.As a solution to such a worring problem,some people believe that the government is ought to increase the sports facilities while many others held the opinion that other measures should be taken.In this essay,I will explore both of the opinions.
In the first place,the government surely has the responsibility to encourage the construction of the sports facilitis.And at meantime,the government should ensure these facilitis are easily accessed.These free-charged facilities and equipments are the direct reasons for those people who have got custom to a non-exercise lifestyle to share some spare time to do exercices.In my oberservation,for a person who does not do regular exercice,once he or she notices that somewhere has a lot of sports facilities convenient for he or she to access,then the idea of doing sports will
naturally come up to his or her mind.Thus,this person is more likely to do exercise than those who have not changce to notice the facilities.What is meant by this is that if no sports facilities have been noticed,things would be totally different.Disputably,to increase sports facilities is a good way of enhancing public health.
However,sports facility is just a small proportion of this issue.Many more things could and have to be done to develop the level of pu blic health.To start with,the government and senitation authorities should disseminate positive informations about the essentiality of healty through the media.Moreover,relevant educational institution could be set up to raise the public's awareness of health and emphasise the fundamental role of health throughout a person's whole life.However,the most important thing for the government to do is to spare no effort to protect the environment.After all,the environment is always the most crucial aspect in terms of public health.
To conclude,both of the increase of sports facilities and the other measures should be taken seriously since the two aspects are not mutually exclusive.And if both sides have been developed in a massive degree,the level of public health would be raised satisfactorily.
382字……你考试时确定40分钟能写得完么(小作文20分钟也可能会拖点时间),而且纸可能也不太够写
另外拼写也挺多错误的?是打错了还是拼错了?用word的自动更正自己看看,如worring、facilitis、changce、oberservation、healty等等
information不可数,不能加s
整体上感觉用了模板,十天的?不过这种套用可能也没问题吧,应该不是很严重
我也22号考,不是第一次,水平不高,只能给你这些小建议了