第一次写的托福作文花了两个多小时,求检查下一下.

第一次写的托福作文花了两个多小时,求检查下一下.
求检查一下语法错误.总感觉好多别扭的地方.
when people move to another country,some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country.others prefer to keep their own customs.compare these two.which one do you prefer
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Recently,an increasing number of students who are attending to university in foreign country.But there is a problem ,which we can not ignore ,that is the different customs.It is important because if he still kept his old customs to another country,he would face a lot of difficulties.But on the other hand,remaining his own habits may let him feel comfortable,for which he has been used to it.so it raises a question.Whether people need to be subjected to the customs of foreign country or just keeping their own habit.In my choice,I will choose adapting to the new customs.
Firstly,people deny following the new customs that will be adverse for communication with local people.Different culture differs on person’s behavior.In some cases that he may think himself’s behaviors just perfectly normal,but in the view of others,they think he is an odd guy,for his eccentric act.Then people would not willing to talk with him.He may believe that other people is also bizarre so that he just immerses his own world.And the result is that the lack of communication.
Second,the further step of the devoid of communication is harmful for his healthy.It can induce phycological problems,such as depression,autism and etc.there is a way to avoid these problems through the friends’s help .But you have probably forgotten that how he could make friends without communicating with one another.
Finally,on the contrary to who has rejected new customs.If he made himself to accept new customs,not only the problems which has been listed above would not happen ,but also his ken and knowledges would be enhanced because customs root in local culture.He could learn a lot about culture by studying their customs.
There are still numerous advantages by following the customs of the new country .I could not able to list all of them in a while.So ,in conclusion,I will definitely drag myself into the new customs when I move to another country.Why not?

when people move to another country,some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country.others prefer to keep their own customs.compare these two.which one do you prefer
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Recently,an increasing number of students who are attending to university in foreign country(要用众数countries).But there is a problem ,which we can not (cannot是一个字) ignore ,that is the different customs.It is important because if he (因为这里说我是 students众数要改用 they) still kept his(their) old customs to another country,he(they) would face (要加with) a lot of difficulties.But on the other hand,(remaining his 要改为 maintaining) own habits may let him(them) feel comfortable,for which he has(they have) been used to it.so it raises a question.Whether people need to be subjected to the customs of foreign country(多过一个国家countries) or just keeping their own habit.In my choice,I will choose adapting to the new customs.
Firstly,people deny following the new customs that will be adverse for communication with local people.Different culture differs on person’s behavior.In some cases that he(they) may think himself’s(their) behaviors just perfectly normal,but in the view of others,they think (he is an odd guy 改为 they are just odd balls),for his(their) eccentric act(s).Then people would not willing to talk with him(them).He(they) may believe that other people is(are) also bizarre so that he(they) just immerses (要加in) his (their) own world.And the result is that the lack of communication(s).
Second,the further step of the devoid of communication(s) is harmful for his(their) healthy.It can induce phycological problems,such as depression,autism and etc.there is a way to avoid these problems through (去掉the) friends’s(friends') help .But you have probably forgotten that how he(they) could make friends without communicating with one another.)
Finally,on the contrary to who has(have) rejected new customs.If he(they) made himself(themselves) to accept new customs,not only the problems which has(have) been listed above would not happen ,but also his(their) (ken?不懂这个字,你是想表达甚麼) and knowledges(knowledge) would be enhanced because customs root in local culture.He(They) could learn a lot about culture by studying their customs.
There are still numerous advantages by following the customs of the new country(countries) .I (could not要改为 won't be) able to list all of them (加out) (去掉in a while).So ,in conclusion,I will definitely drag myself into the new customs when I move to another country.Why not?
有多处错漏,但已替你更正好了,