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谁能帮我看看,马上要进初一的学生这篇英文自我介绍写的怎么样?要修改些什么?

来源:学生作业帮 编辑:作业帮 分类:英语作业 时间:2024/05/16 15:12:54
谁能帮我看看,马上要进初一的学生这篇英文自我介绍写的怎么样?要修改些什么?
IHello!I’m Wang Wenyan.My English name is Ann.I’m thirteen.I’m a lovely girl,I like playing the piano and computer games.I’m good at English,it’s my favourite subject,it’s interesting.I like summer best,because I can swim and eat ice-cream in summer.My family is not big,there are three people in my family:my father,my mother and I.I want to be an English teacher when I grow up.Because I not only like English,but I like children as well.I will be a very good teacher,I think.I am very talktive,I think.My telephone number is 85423541.My e-mail addres is wwygcwq@163.com.Do you want to be my friend?
整体来说,写的的确不错,真看不出来是初一学生的作文.我还是有些小的改动. I’m good at English,it’s my favourite subject这两句重复,最好去掉一句.文章若要显得有文采,就学着变换句式,例如:I like summer best.可以换成My favourite season is summer.Because I not only like English.这句句式很好,用到not only,但是要倒装,即改为because ont only English do I like,单词talktive,是大纲内不存在的单词,呵呵呵,应为outgoing或gregarious.