一篇英语高中演讲文章,What can I learn from earthquake?

一篇英语高中演讲文章,What can I learn from earthquake?
演讲要求是 希望路过的或者直达的都帮我看看有没有问题或者哪里需要改进,在下感激不尽!文章如下:
Learn from earthquake
Earthquake has destroyed a lot of houses,factories,schools and hospitals .large numbers of people were along and homeless .all the country was in an atmosphere of sorrow in a long time.
But that’s not all,because we are still here,we must learn something from the disaster.
There must be a lot of people had taken their dreams into graves ,they wanted to do something after May 12th ,but they followed the step of the god during the earthquake .if you don’t want to miss something you really would like to ,just take action at once ,don’t say tomorrow or even the day after tomorrow .
Occasionally,our life could not always be easy,we may meet a lot of troubles in daily life .we should fight for a life rather than live a life .just as a survivor who recovers from earthquake says,I told myself I can go through the trouble when I was in the ruin so having been in the 30hours,the savior saved me.
To strong yourself is also important .we may want to help others,but we find ourselves have nothing to help them .have you donated some money to Wenchuan county,have you sent some books to Qingchuan county,have you gave some water and food to Beichuan county?If your answers are no,you should realize that you are not strong enough,so strong yourself firstly.
We should be objective to life and always remind you the three points as follows,take action at once,never give up easily and strong yourself.
822193819这位朋友翻译了很多，但我觉得你翻译很别扭呢？
yunmenglian 朋友的回答让我有点吃惊，我认为你提出来的那几句话中没有出现了多谓语呢，一大句中不是可以有三分句么？分句自然有其自己的谓语。
也许我这样说有点过分，但对于真理而言，我们应该谨慎才是。自己的确难易发现错误，希望大家认真帮我诊断........错了不要紧，但是我们需要明白错在哪里。

首先分析一下一楼所说的两个错误,楼主的认识确实有点偏差,你这两句确实有些问题：
第一句,无语法错误,但不通顺,最好改为：But that is not all, we must learn something from the disaster because we are still here. 这个其实和语文一样,就是语句不通顺而已.另外,在书面语中,尽量不要用缩写,就是that is 不要写成 that's,这样不规范的.
第二句,有语病,应该为There must be a lot of people 【who】 had taken their dreams into graves. They wanted to do something after May 12th ,but they followed the 【steps】of the god during the earthquake. 这句话给你切分为两句,因为第一句的意思已经完整了,应该句号,后面的归为另外一句.理由和语文作文是一样的.有语法错误的地方用【】标出来了,第一个就不用多说了,从句的问题；第二个是一定要用复数的.
另外,一下是其他可以考虑更改的地方：
1、we may meet a lot of troubles in daily life【,so】we should fight for a life rather than live a life,理由是这两句话应该放在一个句子里,这样才能表达一个完整的意思
2、just as 【what】a survivor who recovers from earthquake 【said】, I told myself 【that】I can go through the trouble when I was in the ruin【,】 so 【I was saved after 30 hours】. 又是从句的问题,另外由于这个生还者已经说了这番话,复述应该用过去式.最后一句语法很有问题,我帮你全改了.
3、To 【stengthen】yourself...不是strong,查查字典吧
4、we may want to help others, but we find ourselves have nothing to help them. 不知道你想表达的是哪种,感觉把前面的那个may换到后面的we那去会比较好.
5、have you donated some money to Wenchuan county, 【删掉have you】 sent some books to Qingchuan county, 【删掉have you】 gave some water and food to Beichuan county? If your answers are no, you should realize that you are not strong enough, so 【strengthen】 yourself 【first】.
We should be objective to 【live】and always remind 【ourselves】the three points as 【followed】, take action at once, never give up easily and 【strengthen】 yourself.
首先删掉那几个have you是因为那是多余的,很中式英语；first而不是firstly；to live 而不是 to life；把 you 改为 ourselves 是因为这句前面的主语为We,所以最好统一一下,不然感觉不自然；as followed 而不是 follows.
建议楼主多做些英语阅读,培养语感.这样你自己读一遍自己的作文就能感觉出来哪里不对劲了.另外,always think in English when you are writing, so you won't come out with something sound Chinglish :)