英语短文求评改 板砖不惧 主题：两者态度不同导致的结果不同.150——170字.现在长了.

英语短文求评改 板砖不惧 主题：两者态度不同导致的结果不同.150——170字.现在长了.
Once there was 2 men----mikeand nike.Both of them start their career from humble worker and they all hope to gain great wealth in the future.the only differences is that mike hates his job then.it is totally a suffer for wokers have to do same thing over and over again.so he quit,approaching to be a writer.although it is hard to say the possibility to win,he had determind to take the gamble,believing in mind that he could realize it one day.meanwhile,nike was working hard in the factory.he got promoted so his condition improve slowly.then,he married a pretty workmate.nike,s hands are small,he never thought about luxery life.so he sacrificed his career to be a good husband and a father.though weren,t rich in material,they lived a peaceful life.to some degree,nike envys mike.he didn,t know how tough the situation used to be.for beholders,they can only admire his great acheivement.now mike is the a world famous writer.his book got best sold the time they came out.mike is also famous with his gossip.so who will intereste in his own life?mike got no time for family nor himself.he even doesn,t married yet.by devoting all his life mike finally graspt his dream.只能写一段.结构,逻辑,语言,连接,

Once there（ were） 2 men----（Mike)and (Nike).Both of them started（时态过去式) their careers from underlying workers (你是想说底层工人?)and they all hoped（同理） to gain great wealth in the future. The only difference（主谓一致） is that mike hated（你自己都说then了） his job then.it is totally tedious（suffer不是形容词,这句话结构有问题,it is +adj+for sb. to do sth.) for Mike to do same thing over and over again.(或者这么说：it is totally a misery to Mike who have to do same thing over and over again.)so he(这里的he指代不明,所以前面的workers改成了Mike) quit, altering (approach的意思和结构都有点问题) to be a writer.Although it was hard to say the possibility to win, he had determind to take the gamble,believing （去掉 in mind,none sense）that he could make it (或realize the dream,make it 为固定搭配,成功) one day. Meanwhile,Nike was working hard in the factory and his position was slowly rising.(这句话这么说吧,精炼点)Later(别老是then), he married a pretty workmate.Nike's hands are small,(有这种暗喻的方式吗,不确定的话删了?)he never thought about luxurious(形容词) life.So he sacrificed his career（可改hole life,career一般说是事业） to be a faithful husband and a good father.Unwealthy as they were(别老是though,although了),the Nikes(这里指明比较好) lived a peaceful life.To some degree,Nike envied Mike.(But)He didn't know how tough（?） the situation used to be for beholders（旁观者?虾米依稀?）,they could only admire his great acheivement.Now mike is the a world famous writer.his books(主谓一致) got best sold the time they came out（这句话改成and his books ranked the best-selling list 比较好）. However, inevitably, Mike is also famous with his gossip.So who cares his own life? Mike got no time (neither)for family nor himself.He is even single yet. Paradoxically,(矛盾的是)by devoting all his life ,mike finally grasp his dream.