自己想的··语法有错吗?错在哪里?请指正!

自己想的··语法有错吗?错在哪里?请指正!
there was a girl walked in front of me "what a beautiful girl"I said to myself,then I put my eyes on her face and stood right there,suddenly,I smelt something likes shit,it
makes me sick,so I put my hands on my noses and turn around,"what the hell!there's a beautiful girl there"I said to myself again,then I turn around again to
see that girl,she had already gone.I regret to couldn't see her again,if god will give me another changes,I will say"I bear it!"

There was a girl [walking] in front of me. 'What a beautiful girl!' I said to myself, then I put my eyes on her face and stood right there. Suddenly, I smelt something [like] shit. It
[made] me sick, so I put my hands on my [nose] and [turned] around. 'What the hell? [That]'s a beautiful girl there!' I said to myself again, then I [turned] around again to
see that girl, she had already gone. I regret [that I] couldn't see her again. If god [could] give me another [chance], I would say 'I bear it!'
楼主的单词我没改变,但很明显楼主的词汇量十分不足.
最重要的改错点有两点：1. 时态,2. 该用句号时,楼主用了逗号,这在英文写作交流中是十分忌讳的.
我把需要改的单词用中括号括出来了.
希望能帮到你,望给分~
PS. 在英国学习第四年中
再问： 谢谢··刚开始学英语没多久。。我就是想用我学到了然后自己想点东西，然后就试试写成英语，哈哈，见笑了。有些单词我是在网上找的，还没学过，，，我还想问的是，。。，除了你概括的地方。。其它都没错吗？还是。。。。 自学觉得语法好难啊。。，。
再答： 其实还有一点不算特别重要的，就是单引号和双引号的用法，我已经改过了。 大部分正规发布的英文作品中的引语使用引号的顺序都是先单后双（比如'Hal said, "Good morning, Dave"', recalled Frank.），但在部分地区非正规用法也比较普及，即先双后单（比如"Hal said, 'Good morning, Dave'", recalled Frank.）。 另外基本上双引号的另一个用法不管在哪都是统一的：特定称谓、特殊用语、否定讽刺等。 另外就是注意文章逻辑，如很多其他的回答所说，但为了尊重你的原创，我没改动那些。比如walking in front of me如其中一个回答者所说应改成[walking towards me]。倒数第二句couldn't see her again最好改成[may never see her again]。最后一句If... , I would say 'I bear it!'，其实不如改成[If... , I would bear it!]。 因为我的专业是自然科学的，我们写的每一篇文章中的用词都必须不是简写，文学作品方面则不一定，视情况而定。但不论在哪个领域，＂I am＂和＂That is＂都比＂I'm＂和＂That's＂正规，尤其是在写邮件给上司的时候。这点我没给你改，也没必要改，只是顺便一提。（再顺便一提，很多人都不知道的 -- ＂can't＂的扩写是＂cannot＂，而不是＂can not＂，大多数其他的缩写的扩写如常，如＂haven't＂的扩写是＂have not＂。） 还有，我不赞同把regret改成regretted，因为此语态是在阐述事实，而不是讲述过去的遗憾。