帮忙修改考研作文In the modern society,the sense of environmental pro

帮忙修改考研作文
In the modern society,the sense of environmental protection must be cultivated among us.As human beings,people depend on natural environment all the time.The development of society is closely related to it.Nowadays,the government has taken many measures and is advocating a new low-carbon lifestyle.With the theme “Better City,Better Life”,Shanghai EXPO forum is focusing on lowering carbon emission,which is one of the most pressing goals of present environmental protection.For example,transportation in the park is relying on green vehicles named hybrid car,which run on both alcohol and battery.Moreover,80 percent of the park's lighting equipment is installed with energy-saving LED bulbs.In general,a large number of advanced technologies have been adapted in order to reduce the carbon emissions.
In coping with rapid global climate change,developing a low-carbon lifestyle will be crucial in the coming years.I believe Shanghai EXPO forum offers a wonderful opportunity for people all over the world to pay attention to it.And finally we can accomplish the goal:“Better city,Better life”!
关于环境、低碳生活等
希望就文章结构和构思方面也给予一定建议

In the modern society,the sense of environmental protection must be cultivated among us.As human beings,people depend on natural environment all the time.The development of society is closely related to it【the development of society has close connections with it.】.
【新段首】Nowadays,【China】 government has taken many measures【to advocate a new low-carbon lifestyle】 and is advocating a new low-carbon lifestyle.With the theme “Better City,Better Life”,Shanghai EXPO forum is focusing【focuses】 on lowering carbon emission,which is one of the most pressing goals of present environmental protection.For example,transportation in the park is relying【relies】 on green vehicles named hybrid car,which run on both alcohol and battery.Moreover,80 percent of the park's lighting equipment is installed with energy-saving LED bulbs.In general,a large number of advanced technologies have been adapted in order to reduce the carbon emissions.
In coping【To cope】 with rapid global climate change,developing a low-carbon lifestyle will be crucial in the coming years【现在也是紧要的,不是等到将来才重要】.I believe Shanghai EXPO forum offers【has offered】 a wonderful opportunity for people all over the world to pay attention to it.And finally we can accomplish the goal:“Better city,Better life”!
PS：1楼改的对.不重复改了.
你这篇文章是主要介绍上海世博的环保的文章吗?如果是,这样写可以.建议每一段只表达一个主题或意思.