求帮忙改正英语作文,越精华越好,perfect加分~

求帮忙改正英语作文,越精华越好,perfect加分~
Whether it's needed or not for students to drive cars in school
Nowadays,more and more students drive cars to school which becomes a common phenomenon.People may doubt:whether it's needed or not to drive cars in school.Those who drive cars argue that they use them for time-saving,others may see it as a problem which causes wealth compitition and security problems.
With the spread of college edution,more people get chances to go to school which makes school more crowded than before.As a result,people who drive cars in campus find it difficult to move on.Cars in campus not only destroy the harmony in school but also becomes a threaten.Recently,an event called"my dad is LiGang"arose controversy.A student drove car on campus and hit sb,killing her.This school traffic tragedy makes people realize that it's necesssary to forbit cars in shool and make a low about it in urgent.
Also,driving in school causes wealth competition problem.Money that students spend are not what they earned on their own but on their parents' hard-working.However,comparing phenomenon makes them buy things they don't really need only to show off,like cars.It really does have bad effect on students' unmature attitude and negative influence on not only students who buy cars just to show off but also those who can't afford a car.
However,there are still some people arguing for themselves,they said they use cars just for time-saving like getting up late and can't arrive at class in time,with cars they can also go home whenere they want instead of home-sicking.
For better or worse,driving cars in school does bring convience ai the same time increase materlism and ssfety problems.In my opinion,students are to do what they should do,they can drive cars after they graduates immediately,not in a hurry,isn't it?

Whether it is necessary or not for students to drive cars in school
或是：Whether or not it is necessary for students to drive cars in school
Nowadays,it's a common phenomenon that more and more students drive cars to school.People may doubt whether or not it is necessary for students to drive cars in school.Those who drive cars to school argue that they drive cars only for saving time.But others view it as a wealth competition and they even worry it may cause security problems in school.
With the popularity 普及of college education,more students have an access to universities for further education,Hence,the campus is much more crowded than before.Driving cars to school is just not a wise decision since it not only disturbs the harmony in school but also is a threaten to students' security.Recently,an event called "My dad is Li Gang" arouses controversy.A student drove his car to campus and hit two girls,one was killed on the spot and one was severely hurt.This school tragedy has awaken the public that it's necessary to forbit cars in school and some laws and rules must be issued urgently.
Also,driving cars in school brings an intangible无形的wealth competition.Students spend money earned by their parents.They don't realize the importance and responsibility to live a simple life but keep up with the Joneses攀比.What we see is they buy too many unnecessary things only to show off their wealth,such as cars,PC.So driving cars to school also exerts a negative influence on values价值观 and their outlook on money金钱观.你这里有两个on,是病句.介意分开说.Those who can't afford a car may become self-abased and those who drive cars may become so conceited.The representative of the affluent second generation Yifan Li who said "My dad is Li Gang" is the best example to prove it.富二代的代表李一帆（说我爸爸是李刚的人）就是最好的例子.
However,there are still some people arguing for themselves.They retort反驳that they use cars just for saving time.For example,when they get up late and can't arrive at class in time,driving cars to school is just a good way.Besides,they can also go home whenere they want instead of being home-sick.
For better or worse,driving cars in school does bring convience at the same time advocate宣扬了materialism and lead to safety problems.In my opinion,students should drive cars after they graduate.
修改好了,你自己比照一下觉得咋样.