sat作文修改.Whatmotivates people to change?Human have the best a

sat作文修改.
What
motivates people to change?
Human have the best and the worthiest quality
at the same time,and in my opinion,they all come from desire.Because of
desire,people begin to seek,to chase.People all have dreams,however not
everybody is able to achieve the dream,and because of desire,people learn to
change themselves.
I do not want to discuss if the America Civil
War was right or wrong,it was already the history.The slavery was prevalent
for over 200 years,people all knew it was unfair and undemocratic.In the end,
the reason why the northern army finally decided to begin the war was the lack
of labors of factories,while the South owned a large number of slaveries who
have the potential to become free labors.And after the Emancipation was
written during the Civil War,the reason why lots of slaveries ran away and joined
the northern army risking their lives and helped the North to finally win was that
they want the freedom.The North desired more benefits,while the slaveries
desired the freedom.The northern army won the bloody Civil War,and the
America history was changed-the slaveries were set free.And now when we look
at the war,the result is relatively positive-everyone in the U.S.has got a
relatively racial equality and freedom.
As it is said,to change is to risk
something.People never know a change is positive or negative,but “desire”
does have the strength.Desire is able to motivate people to change themselves,
to change people around them,the history,and even the world.

首先,worthiest是不是应该是worst. People all have dreams, however not
everybody is able to achieve the dream, and because of desire, people learn to
change themselves.改成Even though not everyone is able to acheive their dreams, because of their desire for their dreams, people will try to change.这里让步比转折更能表达你的观点. 另外,你的第一个例子并不是change themselves 而是改变了大环境,所以change就够了.
第二,例子选的不是很好,最好避免关于美国历史的讨论,因为你绝对不会比美国人更了解他们的历史,如果有错会大大地扣分的,因为这使得你的论据和论点并不互相支持.
还有,字数太少了.至少需要两个例子,开头和结尾需要更详细的解释.比如As it is said, to change is to risk something.前需要铺垫.People never know a change is positive or negative, but “desire” does have the strength不和主题.你在讨论motivation to change 而不是change是否正确.例子之前也需要过渡,大概就说两句像‘desire可以让人改编社会环境,就比如美国南北战争’之类的引入.